piątek, 8 kwietnia 2011

me grumbling

Lately I've been thinking a lot about people. And more precisely.. about relations, relationships and the way they go in time. I'm trying to find few couples i know that are together for years and don't seem to be unhappy. Not only in between people my age but also elders. Family, friends, strangers. 
The one thing I've realized is that no couple is happy. Everyone is having some problems. First we ignore them, try to compromise and then we just see that its too much. Once we give up fighting because case is not more important then 'us', twice we give up, trice... hundred times.. and then we see that we're not the same, that we're holding hand of a person that is different then when we've met, and we just don't know how all this happen and where those cool people, that we loved so much, went. 
I'm sure of one thing. It's not time only that changed us so much. It's us. We are changing people we love to people we can't stand. And they go for it because they love us. And they change us same way. And we don't even see how wrong it is. And we're not even realizing what is happening. What we know is that something changed and that we don't like it. 
But then we think that it changed for good, right? So why we don't like it?
Well if the person we've loved for being carefree and spontaneous we've tough to be responsible and stable because we want something more then just adventure, then that sounds like a good thing, doesn't it?
So we should be happy with the person we love and that s/he changed for good, right? 
And everything should be like in fairytale. 
So why it's not?
Maybe because.. we don't want this thing we think we need? Maybe what we need is what we get and we should be happy with it. 
When boy meets a girl he starts liking her because he thinks she's perfect? I don't think so.
He likes her because there's some good things in her and some bad. 
Example. Boy. Handsome, cute, charming, smart, popular. Sounds like all bunch of 'good things'. But if we think more carefully we can see that it's not that wonderful. Let's say this boy have a girl. Girl loves him. She wants to spend as much time with him as possible and she's little jealous about him going out all time to see other people. He used to go to gym, he stopped. He used to go to parties almost everyday, he stopped. He used to talk to many people, he rejected them. So now we get a boy that's frustrated because he feels like so much in his life changed, so many things he's missing up, that he's in trap , and a girl that's unhappy because her boy is not the boy she's met and he's unhappy and she can't help it no matter what she's doing and she sees that he's going farther and farther. And lets add girl not doing what she used to. Now she don't have time to write, to hang out with friends, to do 'her stuff'. Then suspicions or even a disloyalty may occur. Same things happen other way around. And if they would hold on to their activities they would be little more happy. But other things in their lifestyle and personalities would change. Because we can't eat a cookie and have a cookie.
So we find two people who loved each other so much finding themselves so far one from another. They don't know person sitting next to them. They don't want to finish relationship because they still remember how perfect it was and they still hope it can be same some how. And it gets worse and worse and worse. They start to jump to each other's throats, and earlier or later it'll all end. If they'll get lucky the feelings will burn out if not then pain will burn their hearts.
I don't know about other cultures but in our European it's widely spread. 
Maybe it's because women got their voice. 
Maybe because people don't try to accept each other the way they are.
And maybe it's because we've lost our features and place. 
I'm not saying that women should stay in the kitchen and cook, because believe me i would hate it myself. But men need to know they are head of a family and women should be a neck. 
But now women try to be head and neck. And i don't think that can happen.
[Ok... feminists would eat me alive if they would read this ;p but i'm a girl so.. at least they're not gonna call me chauvinist.]

Well I'm not saying it's bad to try to make something perfect. But we need to think what that perfect is, if it's possible and if we want anything to be perfect.
Perfect = boring.
There's no hot without cold.
No happiness without sadness.
No love without hate.

I'm still going to think about it and maybe I'll get more conclusions.
My conclusion for today: no relationship till I'll get it worked out. 
It just hurts to much to see something unperfectly perfect instead of perfectly unperfect.